Moms: what's one thing you would like the stepmom of your children to understand? and vice versa?

My daughter's father remarried a beautiful woman with two of her own daughters and she now has a son with my ex. She is the nicest step mom she loves my daughter and she respects the fact that me and my ex have to always be in each others lives because of her. She never gets in our business and she lets us be parents. the only thing I tell her all the time is she has to be a little harder on my daughter when she is in her house. My daughter has to understand that she is not on vacation over there. She has to have chores while there and I really would like her step mom not to let her get lazy while she is there. Other than that I have no complaints with the lady. Even my mom likes her and she was in my home when my son with my husband turned 1 and everyone was like omg you get along so good with his wife. I am like why should we hate each other I have been separated from the man for over 10 years he's hers and I have my own husband and great relationship